hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
