great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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