oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I didn't notice because vodka
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
