Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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