Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
