i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
