dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize