I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
