im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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