I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
