the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
