I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
