We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
