ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
