Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
