There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
