just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Houston, we have a blender
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
