It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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