Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
