your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
