I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
