Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There r osticjed everywhere
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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