I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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