i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
