feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
