your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
