I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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