There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
