Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
