i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
