I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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