I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
