woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
