ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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