smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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