So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
