Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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