Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
