If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
