I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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