wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
