i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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