You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
