so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
