Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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