I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
