So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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