Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
