My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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