What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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