shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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