I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
