I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
one might say we're banned from that church
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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