Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
