so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
