you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
