He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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