Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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