If that was your dad, he is hot
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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