I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
