just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
