Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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