ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh god it's open bar.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
