Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
