I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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