She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
