I hate all girls vehemently.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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