Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
