I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
