Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize