You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
