I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize