I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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