I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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