There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's get the cat blown out
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
