Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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