Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
